make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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