you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
