Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
