OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
