I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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