I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
