i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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