cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
