I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
