my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
