well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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