Plan B is the new Plan A
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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