As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize