You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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