That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Operation Purity has been aborted
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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