I bet he comes in French.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
