Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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