apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
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We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
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I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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