Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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