Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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