That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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