I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize