I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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