I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
