He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
