How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
