He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
