i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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