I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
