the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
