i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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