She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
