In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
only you would photoshop your dick
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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