im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
