Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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