Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
