You're so nebulous sometimes
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
