Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
