some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You made out with two different species that night
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
