but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
