Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
