does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
