Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize