drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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