i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
