How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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