I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
