Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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