Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
