Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Sober January is a disaster.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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