weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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