I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
