I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
