you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
