everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize