Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
