I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
