Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize