Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
