Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
