do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
