I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
