i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
