Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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