well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
