??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
